


A Wick That Burns Far Too Slow

by pulpphiction



Series: Pining-Verse [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Logic over Heart, M/M, One Shot, Pining, Self-Reflection, The Candle Phil got Dan for his Birthday, honestly not that shippy, is it Mutual?, so i didn't include the shipping tags, trust me it's important to the plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-24 10:36:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20357068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pulpphiction/pseuds/pulpphiction
Summary: Daniel ponders his friendship with Phil over the light of that beautiful monochrome candle he got for his birthday.





	A Wick That Burns Far Too Slow

Phil had gotten Dan a candle for his birthday last year. It wasn’t the first candle he had received from his best friend, but it had its own special place in his heart nonetheless. It was a white candle with the sweetest scent you could imagine - one that brought him back home whenever it burned. Its holder was gorgeous as well, made of black and white speckled concrete which felt sturdy in his hands. Holding it could help ground him in reality, and it was almost reminiscent of the rock that Phil was to him. A presence that was near unbreakable, like some unspoken force that exerted a solid yet gentle aura. Perhaps Dan was reading a bit too far into it, but the gift honestly did mean the world to him. It was like the physical manifestation of how well Phil knew him, and Dan kept that closest to his heart.

But there was still that separation of heart and mind - a partition that Daniel wasn’t quite sure how to feel about. On one hand, his heart longed to be closer to Phil. That is, closer than they already were. He wanted that warmth and stability to come directly from his best friend - feel that presence in a form other than the heat and light from the candle. It was an object, yes, but the thought behind it was what drilled this concept into Dan’s mind. It felt inescapable, yet he wasn’t sure he’d want to outrun it anyway. Even if his heart truly did crave something deeper from Philip, his mind was a whole different story. All that knowledge pooled from his heart into his brain, but the yearning constantly battled with logic.

Logic. Something Daniel felt especially grounded in, based his belief system around, navigated life with. This was also where he and Phil differed the most. Daniel knew through and through that he took logic over heart. Yes, it could come off as cold at times, but logic provided the best turnout, at least in his predictions. Phil, however, often took his heart over his brain. He could make hard decisions without overthinking, being able to feel so acutely that he trusted his heart - his gut - more than anything else. Dan thinks, Phil empathises. Together they’d be a head and a heart.

And they almost are. But Daniel’s brain says otherwise. Deep down, Dan knows what he really craves, but his mind won’t give it to him. It won’t let him have the satisfaction of chasing what he truly wants. His mind will keep him from getting hurt by anything else but itself. And that’s what hurts the most. He wilfully keeps himself from the initiative, he keeps himself restrained. Because despite all the yearning his heart can throw at him, he really doesn’t want to mess this up.

What he has with Phil is special and personal, something he doesn’t want to share with anyone else. They’re close as friends, and Dan’s afraid to push it further than that. He doesn’t listen to love out of fear that he could lose the thing most important to him. There are so many ways to kill a bond, and Dan doesn’t like his odds of going down that path. His heart can want all it wants, but the head does the math, and it’s too risky of a territory to cross into.

But all this? Over a candle? It’s downright insane, Dan reckons. There shouldn’t be any way that some sweet-smelling object could bring these thoughts into his head. But, for some reason, it does. And Daniel knows. Not only knows but feels that he wants Phil. He wants to love him and be one and the same with him. And he already does love him in the way that friends do but it’s not enough. He craves the validation of his feelings but the calculations don’t add up and something feels so wrong about unpredictability. That fucking spontaneity that he says he wants, yet crossing a threshold with his best friend isn’t something he thinks he’s ready for yet.

So he just watches it burn. He sees the wick char and crumble under the power of a flame that’s only extinguished because you have the will to blow it out. Dan watches the wax melt and pool like all that love he’s pushed aside for fear of destroying their friendship. He observes its steady cascade down the side, out of sight yet present nonetheless. He swears he won’t let that craving eat away at him like the flame consumes the wick.

But it’s all lies, and deep down he knows it. All that shit at the bottom of his heart is still eating away at him, breaking him down, but it’s a crawl: one easy enough to bury. Initiative that’s too risky to take.

It’s a wick that burns far too slow.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on a whim and ended up really liking it, so I edited it and made it just a little more than word vomit. I'm really loving the concept of the Pining-Verse at the moment, so if you've got feedback on it, I'd love to hear it :) Also thank you to @Random_Inked_Thoughts for being my editor and giving me advice, I really appreciate your involvement in my writing!


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